Spirited kids can be a blessing to parents, but raising them can also present unique challenges that not everyone knows how to handle. Often, high-spirited children require extra attentive and emotionally attuned parenting than other children, and it’s important for parents to recognize these needs. If you’re raising a spirited child, here is what you need to know to nurture them and help them grow up to be the best they can be.
What is a Spirited Child?
A spirited child can be defined as one that is more sensitive, persistent, intense, and perceptive than others in their peer groups. They are often more sensitive to sounds, lights, and changes in mood. This can cause them to be overwhelmed in loud places and in big crowds. What can seem like a temper tantrum can actually be an emotional response to excessive outside stimuli. Similarly, they can also be easily distractable and prone to disliking sudden changes. Because of this, parenting effectively can be a challenge, and without the right methods, your child may not respond well, which can result in tension and increased stress.
What Percentage of Children are Spirited?
Children who are challenging, strong-willed, and often difficult to parent are referred to by psychologists as “spirited children”“. In studies conducted looking at childhood temperament, it’s been estimated that around 15 percent of children are in this category. Most of these children are not diagnosed with disorders such as attention deficit disorder. In fact, they are simply normal children with unique personalities and seemingly limitless energy. The trick to raising them is learning the best parenting method to nurture their individual needs.
How Do You Deal with a Spirited Child?
When it comes to parenting spirited kids, there are parenting methods that work better than others. To help you take care of their needs and properly guide them. Here are some parenting tips to keep in mind and make your job as a parent a little bit easier.
1. Establish a Routine and Stick with It
Spirited kids often don’t respond well to eclectic schedules and frequent changes can increase negative behavior. To make the days easier for both you and your child, you should create a schedule and stick to it as best as you can. This should include set bedtimes, mealtimes, and times for play and study. By having a schedule set out, kids can come to expect stability, which can help prevent them from feeling overwhelmed by frequent changes and fluctuations. You should keep some leeway between daily events to help ease transitions and make it easier for children to move between tasks. For instance, if you have breakfast at 7:00 am and need to be at school by 8:30, give 15 minutes between finishing eating and transitioning to leaving. This can help your child move into the mindset of entering into a new task.
2. Be Mindful of Their Emotional Needs
Spirited kids can have unique emotional needs that need to be considered. When your child is upset, it may seem logical to dismiss their concerns due to their lack of experience and age; however, as parents, you need to recognize that their emotions are just as valid as someone 30 years older. To them, emotional events that may seem trivial to an adult can seem large, and instead of writing off their emotional outbursts, it’s important to speak with them constructively. Engage them and ask them about how they are feeling. Creating an open dialogue about feelings early can help create a solid foundation for the rest of their lives, making them more likely to come to you when they need to talk. Validate their feelings and never belittle them. You should also talk to them about how they can constructively work through how they are feeling. For instance, if your child is artistically inclined, having art as an outlet for expression can help them work through their emotions. Similarly, active kids could use exercise or sports to help ease emotional stress.
3. Think Critically About Punishments
Spirited kids don’t respond well to yelling, timeouts, or spanking. In fact, methods like this can often cause more harm than good when it comes to both spirited and non-spirited children. While it may be a release for you at that moment, it does nothing to rectify bad behavior or teach about managing emotions. Negative behaviors should be addressed, in order to teach children that their actions have consequences, but you need to consider how you go about it. For instance, when a child misbehaves or refuses to listen to instructions, you need to explain why their actions are wrong and work with them to address the issue. Often, children will act out of emotion, especially spirited children. If your child is experiencing a negative emotion, ask them about it and explain why acting out in such a way can be hurtful. Reassure them that while there are consequences for acting out, such as losing a privilege for a bit of having an extra chore, they are being heard and that you’ll work together to find a better outlet in the future. Giving them a hug at this moment can also help strengthen your connection and assure them that you love them and are listening to their needs.
4. Encourage Learning and Independence
Spirited children often learn best through experience and encouragement to explore their curiosities. Once you have a schedule established, encourage your child to start following through on their own. For instance, when they’re getting ready for school and need to brush their teeth and pack their bags, gently inquire about the tasks they need to complete before heading out. If you know they haven’t brushed their teeth yet, ask questions to help them remember on their own. This will make them feel like they have more control and independence, while also ensuring that you can guide them when necessary. Additionally, you should give them choices in daily activities to help make transitions easier while preserving their sense of independence. As an example, if you need to go to the store but they want to continue playing, give them the choice to continue for 10 or 15 minutes with the agreement that they’ll go without a fuss once the time is up. By trying to force your child to go, you’re more likely to end up with a 10-minute tantrum anyway, and this way you can both compromise in a beneficial way.
5. Give Them Authority Over Their Bodies
This goes within reason, as obviously they can’t wear a Halloween costume to school no matter how cool they think it is. However, by letting them have input about their daily outfits, hairstyles, or hair cuts, you can help encourage natural exploration while also giving them a sense of autonomy over their daily choices. A good example of this is if it’s cold out and your child doesn’t want to put on their jacket before leaving. It’s warm in the house, so they may reason that, since they’re not cold now, they won’t need it. Encourage them to take it just in case, but don’t insist they put it on. Once they step outside and experience the cold firsthand, they’re likely to put it on themselves without question. By doing this, parents can help teach their kids how to embrace themselves, while also guiding them gently towards acceptable behaviors. It can also help prevent unnecessary arguments or fights that can often be a point of contention every morning.
Embrace Your Child’s Natural Gifts
Spirited kids are unique and incredible. They are exceptional learners and excel at being able to explore the world in their own way, letting their curiosities and boundless energy lead them. However, as parents, it’s important to teach them how to channel this energy in constructive ways so that they can grow up to master their inherent gifts and play to their strengths. If you are parenting a spirited child, consider these tips and work with your child to build a strong foundation of trust and communication. Because of their unique needs, frequent heart-to-heart talks can be essential for creating lasting bonds between you and your child. While it’s not always easy to be the parent of a spirited child — or a parent of any child for that matter — it is ultimately one of the most rewarding things in life and, looking back, you can be proud of everything you’ve accomplished together.
Sources:
https://www.chicagotribune.com/news/ct-xpm-2002-10-27-0210270265-story.html
https://www.purewow.com/family/signs-of-a-spirited-child
