In the 1950s, the idea of family was a mom, dad, and two children. That doesn’t hold water anymore. The definition of family has grown and changed over the years. It’s not just mom and dad anymore. For the time there is, you have a fifty percent chance that they aren’t married anymore. There are many factors for why two parents aren’t together. But that shouldn’t affect how you raise a child. It is not your place to give a reason why and it is no one’s business. Nowadays, people are turning to co parenting to help a child grow and mature in life. That word alone sounds rather complicated. But if you break it down, co parenting doesn’t have to be scary or hard at all. It just needs to take some understanding and patience. Here are a few questions that will help navigate being a good parent without needing to be married.
What Exactly is Co-Parenting?
On the surface, co-parenting sounds like a complicated puzzle to get through. You might not have a clue what you are doing at first. Do not worry. You actually can get through this. It just takes time and patience. But what exactly is co-parenting? To break it down, it’s the act of parenting when sharing the duties of raising a child when the parents are not in a relationship. There are many ways that this could happen. Maybe the couple is divorced. Maybe they never got married at all. Even the parents can have two different sexualities. If you take a closer look, co-parenting is rather new compared to the structure of a family. It’s been around since 1989. Now, it’s become more common. And that is fine. It shouldn’t matter what your martial status is. You don’t have to justify why you and the other parent aren’t together anymore. All that should matter is putting your children first. As long as your kids are happy and healthy, you are doing something right. The trick to co-parenting is balance. You and your fellow parent should divide up the responsibilities for what you are going to do with your kids. Who’s turn is it to take them to the doctors? What days should you have the children visit the other parent? What do vacations look like? Who is the child going to live with? The two or more of you need to sit down and talk out what you need to do. Once you have that all figured out, you can work from there.
Is Co-Parenting a Relationship?
Well, yes and no. You aren’t together in an intimate relationship, but you still have to interact with each other when it comes to your children. The only time you really communicate is when it involves your kids. Again, this is okay. Your children should come first. Just like any relationship on the planet earth, communication needs to be present for it to work. Co-parenting requires plenty of it to make it work. You need to tell the other parent or parents what they need to know about the child. You all might need to know if something is going on. You will all need to trade information to figure out how to move forward and take better care of your child. When you enter into co-parenting, you have become a team. Everyone had to play along in the game of the child’s development. Never forget that you have to work together for the sake of your child. Now, you might not be fond of the other parent, but you need to set that aside and focus on your children. That doesn’t mean burying any negative feelings deep down. You have to sit down and talk about what is bothering you. Hiding negativity can end up affecting the arrangement you are in with the other parent. If you aren’t careful, you could end up hurting the child in the process. If you have a problem with the other parent, sit down with them and talk it out with them. You have to work through these things all for the sake of the kids. They need you both to be present physically and mentally for them. Once everything is solved, you can go back to focusing on your child.
What is the Difference Between Co-Parenting and Parallel Parenting?
Now, this is an interesting question. Are parallel parenting and co-parenting the same thing? The answer is no. So what is the difference? Co-parenting requires communication and interaction with one or more of the parents. You are physically there to pick up or drop the child off with the other parents. You will meet up from time to time to keep up to date about what you need to do with your children. Sometimes, a child will stay in the house with one parent while the other parent will come and go out of the house for days at a time. (They do this so that the child’s life will not be disrupted as they are making their way through life.) Parallel parenting is raising a child separately from each other and each parent does their own thing. Neither of them are bad. It just depends on the situation you are in. However, parallel parenting might make things a little more complicated. Sure, there is communication involved. But the goal is not to see each other in person as much as possible. At most, you do your communication through emails, phone, and texts. You have already figured out how you are going to do everything with the child. The schedule is already set and you are working from there. One parent might even pay child support to the other parent to help them. If there is a problem, you will have to get in touch through email, phone, or text. Now, that is okay for some parents who aren’t together. This could work if the relationship is toxic and they need to be away from each other while raising their child. But if you feel that you have to be in the physical presence of the other parent or parents, you would be better off with co-parenting.
What Co-Parenting Should Not Do?
There are wrong ways to co-parent. The issues would stem from the parents themselves. The first thing to keep in mind is that the child is not a bargaining chip. You are not to use them to get revenge on the other parents. Sure, there are some relationships that break down in a nasty way. Things can get ugly between you. It happens sometimes. But please don’t drag the children into your personal war. They are already going through enough as it is. You shouldn’t make a stressful situation even worse when you are in the middle of a nasty break up with the other parent. Do not try and demonize the other parent to turn the child against them. This is not a healthy way to raise a child. If you have a personal problem with that person, leave the children out of it. Doing things like not letting the child interact with the person and changing plans without talking to them first is cruel and it hurts the child in the long run. You could end up losing custody of the child if the other parent wises up and takes action to stop the mind games. You are not supposed to be at war with the other parent. Your child comes first. Act like it. Another thing to remember is you do not have to feel guilty about the co-parenting arrangement. You are not a failure. Sometimes, marriages and relationships don’t work out. It happens. Brush yourself off and focus on raising your child. They are going to need you through this time. You have to make everything feel normal even though everything looks like it’s falling apart. You don’t need to make your children worried about your problems when they have their own along with growing up too. Also, do not try the unbalanced parent act. It is not a good idea to have one parent as strict and stiff while the other one is the Disneyland parent. This is how the children end up playing favorites and hurting their parents. Plus, discipline has to be consistent between you. Again, this all comes back to communication between the parents. Sit down and talk about what rules you are setting for raising the kids. You both might not agree on punishments, but you have to work something out to keep everything running smoothly.
Co-parenting doesn’t have to be a headache. All it takes is communication and time for everything to work. There might be some problems that pop up between you, but you have to try and work through them for the sake of the kids. You just need to keep your children in mind and raise them right. As long as they are happy and healthy, you are doing something right.
