Parenting is the hardest job in the world. It’s also one of the most rewarding (even when you’re exhausted and frustrated). But, it can be really hard to know what style will work best for your family. Some parents are strict disciplinarians who believe that kids need to behave or else they’ll end up delinquent. Other families prefer a more gentle approach where children are allowed more freedom and responsibility so that they feel empowered. Which parenting style is best? We think there isn’t just one answer – as long as you have patience, empathy, and a sense of humor, any type of parenting can work well with different kids! That said, we’ve found that gentle parenting tends to lead to happier kids overall because it emphasizes kindness
How do you discipline with gentle parenting
Pound for pound, kids push our buttons more than just about anyone or anything else! Whether it’s whining or throwing a fit – gentle parenting uses kindness and empathy to teach children how to behave in the world. All gentle parenting involves these four main principles: 1) loving limits 2) gentle guidance 3) positive discipline 4) natural consequences Let’s look at each in turn.
Gentle Limits
Gentle limits gentle parenting uses gentle limits to teach kind behavior, rather than relying on punishments like time-outs or spankings. To illustrate the difference: imagine an enclosed play area with a soft netting around three sides of it. Just inside the open side is a gate that can be kept open or closed. Sometimes, kids need gentle limits to protect them from getting hurt or making a mistake. The gentle parent gently places the kid somewhere safe when they’re having trouble acting responsibly (e.g., “Honey, you can’t play on the roof”) Conversely, parents who rely on punishments like time-outs or spankings avoid gentle limits in order to control their kids. In place of gentle parenting, they rely on strong discipline like punishments and time outs which is more controlling than gentle.
Gentle Guidance
Gentle parents guide children gently by showing them how to make good choices, rather than demanding that they behave. For example, gentle discipline works better than punishments like time-outs because gentle guidance is more respectful of the child’s feelings. A gentle boundary such as a time-out gives children the message “You’re bad” while gentle guidance is about helping them understand how to make good decisions in the future. Gentle parents help their kids develop empathy by teaching them gentle guidance. For example, gentle parenting sets a kind example by asking “How would you feel if someone did this to you?” before setting gentle limits on behavior.
Positive Discipline
Positive discipline means that gentle parents try to understand the underlying message behind bad behavior and address it appropriately. For instance, kids often say things that they don’t mean because they’re upset or tired. In most cases, gentle parenting means not reacting to these negative comments. It’s important to remember that even the worst behavior comes from fear and sadness so gentle parents try to see the world through their child’s eyes. This creates empathy!
Natural Consequences
Natural consequences are what happens naturally when adults don’t change it. For example, my son when he was younger was having a fit at the table while we were eating out. On my plate was a hot pepper. He for some reason wanted it very bad and would not listen when I told him it was hot. So when my wife turned around I just let nature take its course. He grabbed the pepper and took a bite with a look of ha I got it anyway. By the time his mother turned back around to see what was happening the natural consequence has already begun. Now fast forward a short time later if he wanted something on my plate and I told him it was hot, well he wasn’t interested anymore.
What are the four parenting styles
There are four different styles of child rearing: Authoritative, Permissive, Neglectful and Authoritarian. These four approaches to child-rearing are represented by a gentle ladder from the bottom rung – authoritarianism to the top one – authoritative gentle parenting. Which style you use depends you and sometimes each kid. My son was very empathetic so if I asked him how something would make him feel if they did it to him he would change his ways instantly. On the other hand some of my daughters, well they needed a little more Authoritarian discipline. If you would like to read more if what you are doing is good or bad check out our post on 5 Signs of Bad Parenting. https://howsbeingadad.com/5-signs-of-bad-parenting-helpful-ways-to-deal-with-them/
Why does gentle parenting work
Gentle parenting works because gentle parents have more control over their child’s behavior. Children are very much like rubber bands. If gentle parents use gentle discipline the children will respond more easily and with less resistance to gentle limits than they would if their parents used punishments like time outs or spankings, which aren’t as gentle as gentle parenting. Plus I have noticed that things like letting the consequence happen instead of trying to stop it for them is a much faster teacher. Just like adults, we learn better when it happens to us. If you always tell your kids don’t do something because this bad thing will happen but they never experience the bad thing, well they are only learning to avoid you not the real problem with their behavior. On the other hand like I said before sometimes and some kids may require a different type of parenting in specific situations. In general, though gentle parenting is what you want to strive for.
How do I become a gentle parent
To become a gentle parent you first need to learn what gentle parenting is all about. There are many more resources out there to go into the details of it but for me it was simple. Set the kids in a safe environment. Make sure they understand the rules that you have set out before them. Then become a bird. I know that sounded crazy but think about it. Like a bird, you can keep an eye on the kids but not force every decision they make. Just sit back and watch. When they are about to do something they know is against the rules wait for the natural consequence. They will learn quickly when something hurts a little or is uncomfortable. then you swoop in and help them get out of the situation. The next thing is to learn to change your words a little. Instead of saying go brush your teeth, give an option that ends up with them brushing their teeth either way. So do you want to brush your teeth first or pick up your toys? Something about deciding what you are doing helps kids and parents become bought into the idea. I mean it was their plan after all. Lastly, get them thinking about things from a different perspective. Ask things like how did that thing make you feel, how do you think this would make your sister feel. This helps to get them paying attention to how they affect the world and people around them. If they buy into it and understand, it will make parenting so much easier than if they are a wrecking ball looking out for only themselves.
After you have to do is incorporated all these little tips into your life, gradually you will find yourself becoming a gentle parent. So how do you know if gentle parenting works? Simply ask yourself two questions: Do I want a peaceful home? Do my kids feel secure? If the answer to those two questions is yes gentle parenting might be what you’re looking for.
Conclusion
If you want to improve your parenting skills, it’s worth considering a gentle approach. Gentle parenting uses strategies like empathy and empowerment so that children are given the opportunity to make good choices on their own without feeling guilt or shame for making bad ones. It also takes into account the child’s developmental stage in order to create goals they can achieve at their age level while still meeting all of their needs as human beings with feelings and emotions. This style is different from other types of parental styles because it doesn’t use punishment or fear-based discipline methods which have been shown time and again not only don’t work but actually cause more harm than benefit in kids’ development over time. Want to learn more about how this type of parenting works
