Three years ago My wife and I were satisfied with our lives and a full house of three kids…….so we thought. We were very sure that raising 4 kids was not in our future plans. I remember having a conversation with her about us being done and three kids being enough. Then the doctor’s visit happed and it changed our lives forever.
No, the doctor did not say surprise you are pregnant. What did happen is that he told us due to some unforeseen complications my wife may not be able to have children ever again. When we got that news it was kind of a strange awakening. We were fine not having any more children until we were told that we may not have the option much longer.
Is it much different going from 3 to 4 kids
There are many things that will change after adding the 4th child. Some of them are very obvious but others you don’t think bout. In our situation, we had a 16 year old son, 12 year old daughter, and a 9 year old daughter. We thought that we were done and decided raising 4 kids was a good idea. The short answer is yes it is much different, but you will get used to it quickly.
The simple drive isn’t simple anymore
Before our 4th child, the idea of traveling in two cars was craziness. We had already given in and purchased the minivan when we had three kids. This was usually enough to bring the entire family anyplace we needed to go. When we added the 4th kid that changed. Once you add a stroller, diaper bag, car seat, and kids that always try to bring friends, the minivan becomes more mini than a van. Now when we make plans the idea of who extra is coming and who is riding with us becomes a part of the planning. You will get used to it but do not let the kids hurt your wife’s feelings. No matter what if any of them pick riding with dad all the time you can watch her heartbreak. So just let them know who is riding with who and no one will realize you are being smart and keeping the wife happy, so everyone is happy.
My Favorite Pro of having a 4th child
You have 3 live in helpers, babysitters, entertainers, and bottle makers. Not all of your children will be happy about this but they are very helpful to have. Out of my three children, the youngest seems to really love helping with the baby, while the other two will help when asked. Either way it goes having 3 other people in the house gives our little one targets to attached to. Throughout the day my little one will bounce between all of her siblings for attention. Sometimes they are willing and other times they get hit with a sippy cup and forced into it. Either way, there is a lot of entertainment for the new addition and for me.
Where did my Wife go?
One thing as a dad you need to realize if you are thinking about raising 4 kids is you are going to be one step lower on the totem pole. Your wife only has so much time and the majority of it will be spent with the baby. This will have a strange effect on your house and family. Small things that you took for granted like clean underwear may be falling to you. Another big thing that will fall to you is remembering what is going on will fall to you. My wife seems to have kept her baby brain even though our baby is now 3. Be prepared for half finished thoughts and forgotten things you will have to hurry up and do for her.
No more long bathroom breaks.
Not that I have ever played on my phone while I was in the bathroom instead of hurrying up, but that will become very hard to do. Now anytime the bathroom door closes someone is on the other side. It’s either the baby needing drink, another kid needing help with something, or your wife asking you a random thought. Also, shower time needs to either be scheduled or you will get used to taking showers only between 11pm and 6am. Any other time will already have someone in the shower, clothes washing, or dishes washing. Hot water becomes a delicacy.
Eating out, What’s That
Obviously, it gets expensive to feed four kids but that’s not the only reason you will stop eating out as much. When you are raising 4 kids you will realize that everything about eating out becomes a little more challenging. Yes, we need a talk for 6 or 9 if there are friends included becomes standard. It’s not always quick to get a table for 9. I still seem to find a way to take the entire crew out but it is an expensive experience. On the other hand, having kids who can help and fend for themselves does help and make it much less stressful. If you still have all the little ones…..well good luck.
When Did My Other Kids Grow Up
You won’t notice it right away but your kids will have to start growing up a little more and becoming more independent. It’s not that you do it on purpose but there is only so much time to spread around. In the end your other kids will start to rely on you less and less for things they should have probably been doing for themselves a while ago. For example, I watched my younger daughter asking her older sister to help her with Math homework. I was available to help but it was great seeing them working it out on their own.
I used to think that parenting was all about giving love and guidance, but now I know it’s also about being a referee
I used to think that parenting was all about giving love and guidance, but now I know it’s also about being a referee. My kids are always fighting about something, and it seems like it’s my job to mediate every dispute. Just yesterday, they were arguing over who got to sit in the front seat of the car.
I had to remind them that there’s no rule that says only one person can sit in the front seat and that they could both sit in the front seat if they wanted. It’s exhausting being a parent sometimes, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. Sure, being a referee isn’t always fun, but it’s all part of the job.
Sometimes it feels like my job is more about keeping the peace than anything else
There are moments as a father of four kids when I feel like my job is more about keeping the peace than anything else. It’s like being the United Nations, but with squabbling instead of countries. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Sure, it can be challenging at times, but it’s also incredibly rewarding. Seeing my kids get along and enjoy each other’s company is one of the best things in the world. And when they’re fighting? Well, that just means they’re being normal kids. As long as they know that I’m always here to mediate, they’ll be just fine.
In conclusion, what I really think about raising 4 kids
I wouldn’t want it any other way. I thought I was done with 3 kids and couldn’t imagine having any more love or time left in me. Now I look back and I realize that my life was lacking. I had to reteach myself how to raise a baby. The many options of diapers were kind of eye opening. I ended up writing a review on the different kinds of diapers which you can read HERE. Rules on how to let babies sleep and even the different types of formula were all a little over the top. But in the end, you figure it out just like the last three times, except this time you have helpers. So if you are asking me should have the 4th child or not I would say hell yes if you can afford it then you should go for it.
If you want some Tips from a dad they would be:
- Get ready to help with things you may not currently do.
- Realize your wife’s mind may be a little more tired and less focused, especially on you
- Don’t forget to make time for yourself and your wife, you have to stay at home babysitter
- Make a bathroom schedule if you want a hot shower.
- Enjoy it they grow up so fast!
