The baby starts screaming at the top of their lungs because they need milk, a diaper change, or just because. Dad goes running to the rescue, gets to the bed, reaches, and then……..total meltdown!!!! Baby cries when dad holds her. Sometimes they cry as soon as they see dad come into the room. Does this story sound familiar? Wait did I forget mom is in the background exhausted and frustrated, now dad is heartbroken, and the baby still needs milk now. The first thing to do is breathe and realize this is totally normal for many families. Below I will list out my 6 tips on how to help your baby get used to dad and help mom get a break.
What to do when baby always cries when dad holds them
Should you just force dad to pick the baby up or is there a simple way to make the baby happy and let dad help with their needs? There are many reasons why babies will cry when dad holds them. Most of which have nothing to do with dad’s capability as an active caregiver. The only thing that I have found with some dads is they are not gentle enough when holding and cleaning the baby. As long as you are aware that your hands may be rough and take care not to be too firm, then chances are the tips below will help. On the other hand, if you have rough hands then get some lotion and remember it’s a baby, not a car engine.
Leave your baby alone with dad the crying will pass
Have you ever noticed how a baby acts one way when mom is in the area and one way when she isn’t? I can remember so many times when mom is leaving and the kids are crying and it’s chaos in the house. As soon as the door closes and everyone accepts that mom is no longer in the house a switch goes off. The baby realizes wait a minute my number one the only source of comfort and protection is no longer here. She seems to like this dad guy who I keep yelling at…. I guess ill give him a try too. All of the sudden the crying stops and the house relaxes. There is peace in the world and everything is fine. A little while later the door opens and mom walks in….. the crying begins again. Mom to the rescue.
The reason for some of your problems could be that there is a disparity in the amount of time mom and baby spend together versus the amount dad spends with baby. If from birth, only one person has cared for them; then it can be hard to feel comfortable enough around him or her later on. It may also affect how much they trust their caregiver’s decisions as well as themselves when making choices about food, socialization, etc which will make life harder down the road so try spending more quality alone-time with your child now!
Is dad doing any of the feedings
As the mom is looking down into the baby’s eyes while feeding them, realize that is some major bonding time. So figure out a way to get dad involved. This is not to hard for couples who are formula feeding, but it’s a little harder for breastfeeding. Obviously pumping is an option so that dad can have a turn. I know there are issues with nipple confusion and an entire list of arguments between different camps on how to feed a baby. So if pumping is an option then this gives dad a turn to bond with feeding. If pumping is not an option then dad just being there while mom does the feeding can go a long way. Lay next to mom and just let the baby be used to dad being there during this great time called lunch.
Skin to skin with dad
Remember that your baby is smelling, seeing, and touching everything for the first time. So make sure that early on there is a lot of baby being held by dad. I can remember so many times my wife would walk in and I would be sitting around with or without a shirt on and our baby girl would be sleeping on my chest. I would be watching the football game or Netflix and being so helpful in giving my wife a much needed break. This worked out a lot better than when I tried to watch the football game while the baby was screaming, and my wife was trying to clean the house. Take it from me get the baby used to sleeping on daddy early on and it will be great times for everyone.
If you had a baby recently you will have noticed that when the baby is born the doctor puts her or him on the mom’s chest right away. They have learned over the years that skin to skin contact is very good for babies. This does not stop with mom in the hospital you need to keep it going at home too. Therefore in a nutshell as a dad, the key is to lay on the couch while the little one is sleeping on your chest. This is much more helpful than dad doing dishes while mom holds the baby. In the long run, this will help the baby look forward to seeing dad when he comes into the room.
Play with the baby, and dad will equal fun not tears
If the only time the baby sees daddy coming for her or him is at night when they need their mom it’s not ever going to be good. On the other hand, if they see daddy, he is being a big goofball and playing and smiling. Then the baby will start to relate mom to comfort and dad to fun. I think in the end that works out well. Mom can end up being the mean one and dad can be the one who loves them the most. Ok, that’s probably a bad way to look at it but dad being fun is much better for everyone than baby screaming when they see dad.
Bath time is a good bonding time
This is another thing that should be shared. Just picture it a nice warm bath with mom rinsing and washing baby. Then after rubbing lotion on them and getting them all nice and comfortable before bed. The smells and the feels are all very relaxing. Well, this is a great activity for dad to get involved with. Just like feeding and skin to skin time, take advantage of every chance you have to be involved with your baby in these times. Let them know that dad can take care of them and comfort them just like mom. Let them feel comfortable and protected with their dad.
Don’t get frustrated, and don’t give up when your baby cries at daddy
Baby’s are often more comfortable with their moms, but they will eventually warm up to dad. It may take a few weeks or months for a baby to feel as comfortable and close to daddy as she does her mother. The key is to not get frustrated and give up. If after the first week dad stops going in there and trying to develop a bond well of course it will not happen. So realize that this is normal and not dads fault, so frustration and stress are not good for anyone.
Conclusion
If you want to stop your baby from crying when dad holds her, try these 6 tips. The first thing is for dad to hold the baby more often during day time feedings and not just at night. This about it if the only time dad comes to feed the baby is in the middle of the night…. well not a lot of trust there. Skin-to-skin contact with dads will help your child bond with their father and breastfeeding is no excuse. I am not recommending a device like they had on “Meet the Parent” but you can be laying there to ensure the baby is used to you. Don’t get frustrated or give up if your little one cries when daddy comes over to help! I have added a link to the movie below which is great and if you purchase it with this link we will make a small commission, so thanks in advance for supporting our blog.
Remember if every time the baby cries dad runs in and the crying gets worse, dad gets sad, the mom gets frustrated because she is exhausted, and no one helps her. This routine is not fun for anyone. The baby isn’t happy because it keeps having to yell the daddy away. Dad isn’t happy because he feels like his baby doesn’t love him. Lastly, mom is pulling her hair out because she is the only one on the island. So the key to it all is to realize your not alone if your baby cries when dad holds her so don’t get frustrated. This too will pass and you will get to move on to other fun things like the terrible twos.
