Parenting is not easy, and it is even more difficult when you are struggling with your own bad parenting traits. It can be a vicious cycle of trying to fix one thing but breaking something else in the process. The good news is that there are ways to stop this cycle! In this blog post I will go over 5 signs of bad parenting and some helpful ways to deal with the problem.
What is bad parenting
Bad parenting is not a formula that you can find in a parenting book or on the internet. It’s something that comes from within and spills out into your everyday life. The best way to know if you’re doing it right, is by listening to yourself speak about your child with other people. If what you say sounds like this: “I’m so bad at this” or “I don’t know what I’m doing,” then it might be time for some new tactics! Here are five things to do when being overwhelmed as a parent:
· A lack of boundaries
· Understanding and providing basic needs
· Lack of discipline and consequences for bad behavior
· Poor communication between parents and kids
· No family time with the kids
A lack of boundaries
Raising a child is never easy. There are so many questions to be answered and decisions to make, it can feel overwhelming. But boundaries can help you through this difficult time with your new bundle of joy. The first step in defining these boundaries is figuring out what they should be specifically for your family. What kind of person do you want your child to grow up to be? How will setting clear boundaries now benefit them later on in life? This post will give you some ideas about how to raise an adult with healthy boundaries that will serve them well as they grow older and explore the world around them!
The good thing about a lack of boundaries is It can be turned around. One way to do this is by parenting in the now; you can’t fix last month but you can fix tomorrow. Take some time and think about reasonable boundaries and then use that time to enforce them. It can be hard but it will get easier after a while and you’ll eventually see the changes in your child for yourself!
Lack of nurturing and basic needs
There is a lot that can go wrong when raising children. It’s an overwhelming experience, and there are so many things you need to do. For example, you need to make sure your child has enough food or they will start acting out at school. You also have to make sure they’re getting proper nutrition because it will affect their moods and behavior in the long run. How are you supposed to know what’s going on with them? The key is knowing what signs of neglect look like! If you suspect something might be off with your child, talk with a doctor as soon as possible for some unbiased advice on how best to proceed next.
This one is a little harder because you kids maybe refuses every good choice that you offer them. Then you are in a battle over eating broccoli. It doesn’t make you a bad parent when a child hates vegetables and only wants fries. Good kids are raised on fast food every day, it’s the lack of opportunity that can hurt. When I had my first child who still at 18 hates vegetables we would go into battle every dinner. You will eat 2 pieces of this before you can leave. An hour or two later we finally were able to leave the table. Well with four kids I don’t have time to play that game.
Now I look at my four kids and laugh because the first two will never eat vegetables no matter what other than maybe a salad. My youngest two will eat anything I give to them…… and I didn’t even try. So my advice is make sure that your kids are feed and that they have the opportunity to eat good items. If they hate it then don’t spend hours in battle. That will lead to bigger issues like not having enough time to spend with them or them always remembering broccoli equals painful times at the table.
Lack of discipline or consequences for bad behavior
I remember the first time my son threw a tantrum in public. I was at the mall with my mom and he started crying uncontrollably, kicking his legs, and hitting me. It was embarrassing to say the least but I had no idea what to do or how to calm him down. As we walked through the mall past other shoppers, many of them stopped us and asked if everything was okay. The embarrassment turned into anger that there were people witnessing this event who would judge me as a parent for not knowing how to handle it better. What should you do when your child throws a tantrum? There are many reasons why children behave badly but often times parents don’t know how to discipline their kids properly which is where lack of consequences come into
I’m not going to go into the spank or not debate. I know that there is a ton of information out there saying if you spank your child you will teach them that its ok to lack out with fist and all kinds of other stuff. I also know that parents like me were spanked and say stuff like I was spanked and I knew better then to step out of line.
What I will go into is that a kid needs to know that their are consequences for bad behavior. So step one is they need to know what is acceptable and what is not. If you just yell all the time or randomly spank them when they are doing something but then let them get away with the same action at other times it is not a healthy discipline for your child. The key if for them to understand that this action is unacceptable and will get this consequence every time. If you find yourself yelling and then punishing your child randomly while they look at you without understanding then you should probably work on this one.
Poor communication between parents and children
Babies are born with an instinct to communicate and want their parents’ attention. It is important for parents to make sure they understand what their child needs, wants, and prefers. When communicating with children it is important not to be dismissive or ignore them as this will lead the child feeling ignored and hurt in the relationship. Parents should also pay close attention when a child communicates something that makes them uncomfortable because this could indicate a future problem.
Parents should avoid yelling at kids because it can cause anxiety and anger issues in adulthood. Good communication between parent and child leads to strong relationships which is vital in raising happy children who have success in life. A good way for parents to improve their skills at communicating with children is through first taking the time to listen.
My son and I laugh now about our communication downfalls through the years. Our biggest issue was that he was a talker and I wasn’t. He would come home and want to tell me an hour long story about his day. I would be busy with tons of things going on so I would want the point not the details. We got into the habit that he would start talking and then stop. Tell me what the point of the story was so I knew where it was going and then he would tell me the long version.
I realized that our communication styles were very different and we found a way for us both to get what we needed from our talks. He needed to talk and I needed the direct point. So now we have learned to communicate and it has helped us grow much closer over the years.
Now my daughters are different either they seem to have little to say sometimes and lots at others. I have found with them its best to go for a drive and take one of them with me at a time. This helps them have my full attention without anyone else competing for the time. Over everything else I have tired I would say spending time with each kid individually is key and using times like lets go on a 20 minute drive to this place. You can get a lot of value out of these 20 minute drives.
No family time together with kids, Parents are too busy
A recent study found that the number of children who feel their parents are too busy to spend time with them has risen significantly in the last decade. This is a serious issue for families, as it can lead to emotional and social problems for both parents and children. The stressors of everyday life make it difficult for parents to find time for themselves, let alone their children when they need them most. Parents should take care not just about working on relationships with their spouse or significant other, but also work on strengthening connections with their kids as well. In order to do this successfully, you will need to be intentional about your family’s schedule from now on – think about how much time you have together each day and what activities might provide an opportunity to bond more.
I watch my wife sometimes and she will work herself to death. Then when the kids are asleep she will finally sit down and take a break. This really kills the ability to have family time and build relationships with her children. I end up doing the same thing where I will be working on a side project or business and then realize the entire house has gone to bed and left me to my project. It’s at times like this I feel like a bad parenting, when I think I did not even find 10 minutes today to be a father. It may not be 100% true but it feels like it.
The key that I have found to make this all work is first realize that time with the kids is more important then most of the things you are doing. They will be grown and out of the house before you know it. So make sure you work with your spouse and help pull the weight of the other person when needed so they can break away and play with the kids. Also if you find you spent all day on a task and haven’t had some good one on one time with your kids, well push that task off. Sometimes you may have to do dishes at midnight or finish something in the morning. That 30 mins you broke away to run around the house acting like a monkey with the kids was much more important. Yes, this is all true for teenagers too who act like they are to cool to play.
Conclusion
When does parenting become bad? There is no clear definition of what “bad parenting” means, but there are many signs that may indicate you have a problem. Some tell-tale warning signs include lack of boundaries and consequences for behavior; lack of nurturing or basic needs like food, water, sleep; poor communication between parents and children; not spending time together as a family with the kids; too much busyness in life outside the home such as work obligations. If anyone (or more) of these items resonate with your situation – don’t despair! You can take steps to change it by taking an honest look at yourself first and asking questions about how you interact with your child(ren). On the other hand, if you are trying to be a good parent and your kids are just driving you crazy check out our other post to help you get through that HERE.
