Are you ever looking around at the chaos in your house and feel like you are alone on an island? Before you had kids in your mind raising them would just fall in line. Then move forward and you realized that your parenting styles and ideas for raising a family are not aligned. If you are in this position read below to understand how parenting as a team is not as hard as it feels at this moment. Step one is to understand which parenting style you and your spouse have so you can figure out why you each react to situations.
Why is parenting as a team important
Parenting as a team is a key to success when raising children. It can be difficult at times to parent together, but it’s worth it in the end. Parenting as a team allows you to share the load, so to speak. It can also help you to avoid conflict and misunderstandings. Parenting as a team can also help you to build a stronger relationship with your spouse. Parenting as a team can help you to feel less alone in your parenting journey.
What are the benefits of parenting as a team
Parenting as a team has many benefits. As mentioned above, it can help you to avoid conflict and misunderstanding. Parenting as a team can also help you to build a stronger relationship with your spouse. Parenting as a team can help you to feel less alone in your parenting journey. Parenting as a team can also help you to share the load, so to speak. Parenting as a team has many benefits, but it’s important to remember that it takes work. Parenting as a team is not always easy, but it’s worth it in the end.
Why Effective parenting is important
You have one shot at making great kids and raising them right or wrong. Sometimes no matter what you do it will end up bad but at least if you are parenting effectively as a team you are giving your kids the best chance at life you can. Parenting is not easy so Parenting as a team will give you the best chance to succeed.
What are the 4 types of Parenting Styles
In order to understand your issues, you need to understand the 4 types of parenting styles. Once you read through them try to figure out which one fits you and which fits your spouse. Use this knowledge to start the conversation and find alignment on how to move forward. If you are interested in marriage goals check out this post.
Authoritarian or Disciplinarian
When your kids are running around the house, bouncing off the walls, do you start yelling and punishing them? In your mind do you feel they should know better, and no explanation is needed? Well, this is your parenting style. For me, I fall into this category…. sometimes. You need to recognize that people don’t always fall into a specific style.
Permissive or Indulgent
Do you try to be your child’s best friend? A permissive parenting style doesn’t try to fit kids into rules and structure instead they give a little guidance when needed and attempt to stay close and open with their kids. This type of parent is nurturing and allows their kids to figure things out independently. It is almost the exact opposite of the disciplinary style. So if you realize you are one style and your spouse is the other, it’s obvious why you are seeing things differently.
Uninvolved
This one is simple, if you are this type of parent, I am not sure why you are reading this post. An uninvolved parent is just like the name says not involved in the parenting of their kids. They either do not care or just choose to not get involved. These are the parents whose kids your kids will try to hang out with. They are free to do whatever they want for the most part which leads to well…. The fun kids to say the least.
Authoritative
This is the parenting style that is looked at as the highest benefit for children. These parents are very nurturing and they are very good at setting expectations. They also communicate often allowing their children to have a say in the goals set before them. This is the parenting style we should all strive to be. I am good at it……. when they are not driving me crazy. I always seem to really lay out the rules and the why behind them after I blew up when they did something. So, remember this is the goal and if you are already.
Stop Fighting with Husband Over Parenting
When dealing with raising children one thing you never want to do is show them any cracks in your teamwork with your spouse. I’m sure it has never happened to you or me but I hear some kids will play their parents against each other. Once they see their parents disagreeing over ….. well anything they will know which to go to. On the other hand, they will go to each parent one at a time to get either to say it’s ok or it’s fine with them. Parenting as a team is the key to getting and keeping control.
Step number one on how to parent as a team is to agree not to argue or fight about the kids in front of the kids. It would be nice to say don’t fight about the kids but that’s not reasonable for most couples. What is reasonable is to say when we don’t agree let’s take it into the room and work it out. This is key to get started on the path of parenting teamwork.
How do Parents Work Together
Once you get past step one which was to stop fighting with your spouse, it’s time to figure out your plan and back each other up. Start with the top few issues you have with the way your spouse deals with the kids. I know for me the things that my wife thinks are the end of the world unacceptable do not always hit my radar. The things I value may not hit her radar. It is eye opening to see the difference in your list and it helps you to understand why there is frustration on the lack of teamwork. Both parents don’t have a clue why the other one isn’t reacting the correct way.
There will need to be some negotiations on what the focus is. You may have to relax a little on some of the very important things to you, but on the other hand, your partner will have to accept the important things to you and understand where you are coming from.
Once you have an agreement and understanding the next step is always back each other up. If one of you punishes or decides something with your children the other partner can’t overrule that with the kids. If you do not like what the other person has decided that needs to be a closed door conversation. Whichever way that conversation turns out, don’t walk out and change the disciple or get the other parent to do it. This is how the kids take over and realize that one parent will overrule the other. So that as mean as it sounds will pray on that. Maybe at some time, later parents who set the discipline can relax it with a great personal conversation with the kids on the rule and the expectation. This will help you get into the authoritative parenting style….good job.
The final step after working on what’s important and backing each other up is support. Both parents will have bad days and they will need the other partner to support them. This can mean many things, but my experience means that when one of us loses patience, the other person needs to step it up and defuse the situation. Sometimes this can be to break them away from the kids so they can calm down, and sometimes it just means help clean up. My wife has learned a long time ago I don’t take hints well. If you need me to do something you have to tell me.
Conclusion
Parenting as a team is not as hard as you felt when you started reading this post. Figure out what your focus areas are and your spouse’s priorities are. Next, come to a consensus on how to deal with each of these items and back each other up. It’s a shame but it’s you against the kids. Support each other and be a team. Don’t overrule each other in from of the kids because it just lets them play you against your spouse.
Your children will be happier and your wife… or husband will feel that you are on each others side. This is a much better feeling than pulling your hair out and wondering why you are alone in the battle with raising the kids and understanding your partner. Parenting as a team is the best way to succeed.
